Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
