i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
