bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
