I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
