So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
