i just had sex bonerless
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
