Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
