You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
