What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
