my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
