First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
