You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
