I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
