Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
