I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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