My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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