I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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