not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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