That's intense
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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