so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bring money and cleavage
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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