from now on my penis is your penis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
