if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
