Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
