On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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