and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
