All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its not stalking. its research.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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