Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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