I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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