Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
