he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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