That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
