I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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