I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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