Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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