My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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