wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
