He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
