Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
