Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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