Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My cat gives me a boner
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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