and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
