I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
