So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
