you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
