My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
