just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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