he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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