My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
