Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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