dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
