just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
