We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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