I'll bet she douches with gravy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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