just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just invented taco cereal.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
